Help yourself

Yes, we said phone – but we trust that you know what the best method of contacting your friends might be. It could be writing a quick note on their Facebook wall, sending an email or an SMS. But that’s only the starting point.

The purpose of contacting your friend is to arrange some valuable face-to-face time. You can either just sit and chat, or share an experience together – go shopping (even grocery shopping is more fun with a friend), take a walk in a park or along a beach, do some ‘people watching’ together or check out a new cafe.

Importantly, try and ensure the time you spend together doesn’t involve screens – TV, cinemas or otherwise. It’s not a bad idea to keep the smartphone on silent and in your pocket, to give your friend your full attention.

The best way to make conversation is to ask how the other person is doing first. Sometimes when we feel sad or isolated, it is easy to put our needs first, which often means having a big, sad whinge. It's not always the best way to re-connect. By engaging in someone else's life, they more likely want to re-engage with you as a person also. We often see the brighter things in life when we re-connect with other's lives, and share with them. It doesn't mean you keep all your gripes to yourself and fake happiness, but try to find the balance in there somehow.

There are hundreds of groups where you can meet new people and make new friends. Building friendships takes time, but getting out of your house and joining with others is a good place to start. 

Your local council will have a list of groups that meet in your area.

Uniting Church Uniting People hosts a broad range of community groups, ranging from photography, walking and city lunch groups. Non-church and church members are always welcome, young and old, from near and far. It’s easier to find out more – check out the links for our Playgroups, Youth and Young Adult Community groups and general Community Groups here.

At a time when you most feel like other people should be helping you, sitting around waiting for that to happen isn’t going to help you feel any less alone. Why not go and help someone else first?

Volunteering has heaps of benefits – while boosting self esteem and confidence you’ll meet new people and learn new skills. With volunteers being one of society’s most valuable assets, you can be sure you’ll feel appreciated.

To get started, phone your local council, or contact Volunteering SA to discover what opportunities are waiting for you.

If you’re a bit short on time, but would like to find a way to do something for others, try donating to a charity, or sponsoring a child.

Loneliness can really take over, especially when it's unchecked, or when life just keeps getting you down. If you really feel your loneliness is overwhelming you – please seek help. It might be just what the doctor ordered.

Lifeline is open 24 hours a day, every day of the year. It is a great place to start – phone 13 11 14.

Paint, Photoshop, poetry or photography – whatever you’d like to learn, chances are, there’s a class for it. Joining a class, either at a community centre or TAFE, is a free pass to meeting new people who have a similar interest to you.

Having a scheduled class to look forward to will also make the days and weeks seem brighter, stimulate your creativity and help stave off loneliness. You probably won’t make friends in the first class – but a few shared classes, questions asked and making conversation with other people are all great steps to take, to make the most of this opportunity.

You don’t have to work up a sweat or wear leggings and Lycra (unless you want to) to enjoy some gentle exercise that stretches the body and clears the mind. Yoga and Pilates are great for relaxation, or even just a brisk daily walk can do wonders.

For something that boosts the heart rate – and your mood – hit the gym, kick a ball, take a dance class (we hear Zumba is pretty popular), pick up a skipping rope or go for a run. Group exercise classes are a great way to meet new people who will celebrate your achievements (and commiserate with your aches and pains!).

Pets – especially dogs and cats – make excellent companions and are proven loneliness preventers. Their unconditional love and dependency on you to provide for them can help remind you that you matter – especially if you’ve rescued your pet from a sad fate.

Dogs are a great conversation starter, as you take it for a walk or to the dog park, and going to obedience classes is another way of meeting like-minded people.

It’s not a simple as saying ‘don’t worry, be happy,’ but you might be surprised at how far a few positive thoughts can take you as you struggle against feeling alone.

Equally as important is identifying your negative thoughts and making an effort to address them. Figure out what’s rational and irrational (it might help to talk with someone else about it), and give the irrational thoughts the flick.

To get you started on some positive thinking: Remember to stay in the present and look forward to the future. Mistakes made in the past are no reflection on your power to achieve future goals and aspirations.

Spirituality, religion, it’s all the same thing, right? Not quite. The Reach Out website has a great explanation of the difference between the two here.

Either way, lots of people find getting in touch with their spiritual side brings a greater awareness of self and the world, and a framework for understanding some of life’s hard questions.

If you’re looking for a church to explore what Christians believe, visit the Uniting Church’s Find a Church page for a congregation near you.

Or, if you’re not up for seeing other people just yet, feel free to stop by our Quiet Space. You can read a prayer, click through a reflection or light a virtual candle and say a prayer for someone else.

Don’t confuse being alone with feeling alone. After all, if you don’t learn how to be alone first, you’ll always be lonely.

This is a particularly pertinent tip for those people who love to – or feel compelled to – always be connected, available and ready to be contacted. It could be that the time between notifications, texts and emails is triggering feelings of loneliness and self talk of ‘no one cares about me’.

Try starting with just ten minutes a day of sitting on your own, letting go of any expectation of being reached, enjoying your own thoughts and company. It might be boring at first but it’s a great way of getting rid of the clutter in your mind and allowing space for the really important thoughts to come to the fore.